i don't know what good title i should write.

Remember I promised yesterday that I would post a happy entry today? Well, let's put that aside for now because I have something better to share with you guys. OK I don't even know where to start.

So last December, while on the road trip, I received an e-mail from my program coordinator saying that I'm eligible to apply for David M.Baldwin Memorial Scholarship. 'This award honors outstanding students with recognized service to their community, which includes activities both inside and outside the university' (taken from the letter). Applicants have to submit a written statement 'describing what you consider to be your key service contributions and how these experiences have shaped your education at RIT and relate to your future plans'. So I contacted my academic advisor, Dr.Lawlor (p/s: I am happy that you are healthy again) to ask for advice and he asked me to stress on service activities rather than academic credentials. So I did the essay and submitted it a few minutes before the deadline. (masa ni kelam kabut hantar lepas balik dr mall.)

So, the verdict is out. The committee met on Friday and I am happy to say that I am one of the five lucky recipients. Alhamdulillah. It was very unexpected. There will be a banquet dinner for the recipients sometime in Spring. And, there is a money award that goes with this acknowledgement. Some pocket money for me yeay! But for them to acknowledge my small contributions in clubs I have been in, and also the volunteer work I did in Malaysia is really encouraging.

Here's the written essay that secured me the award. (Mind you, it's two pages long).

I have always known that I want to help people when I grow up, in one way or another. I once mentioned to my mother that one day I want to open an orphanage to help the less fortunate children. Back then, it was merely a thought, a child dreaming of making the world a better place to live. However, when I stepped into college, I have been involved with various community service and volunteer work. It is not just ‘a mere thought’ anymore.

My first year of college was spent adapting to the new environment. Being an international student was not easy for me. I had to struggle with the language, the culture, and the environment as a whole. I did not involve with a lot of activities, except for being a member of Malaysian Student Association (MySA). In the Winter Quarter I joined the Life Sciences Club of College of Science. I was the Treasurer of MySA and the Social Head of Life Sciences Club during my sophomore year. Currently I am the Secretary of the club.

Both clubs expose me to different experience. MySA organizes a lot of cultural activities. As ‘little ambassadors’ for the country, we feel obliged to share our rich culture with the RIT community as well as the Rochester community. Our annual event is Malaysian Night, where we showcase our traditional dances, scrumptious Malaysian dishes and other cultural performances. With limited resources, we gather ideas and effort among each other to make the event a success, from practicing for the performances and making the props to cooking the dishes. Being in MySA also open the opportunity for me to participate in college activities. Last year, MySA sent out a team for Relay For Life and I was one of the members. It was an uplifting experience for me also for all of us. I am glad that I could contribute to the American Cancer Society in finding the cure for cancer. I learned so much by being a committee member of MySA.

In Life Sciences Club, I was exposed to various volunteer and community service activities. One of them was Flower Sale on Valentine’s Day. The money we gained from the sale was given to Oloitokitok orphanages in Kenya. Other than that, we also went to volunteer at Seneca Park Zoo, Rochester. It was a fun experience cleaning up leopards and alligators cages. Afterwards, we got a special treat from the zookeepers as we were brought to see other animals up-close. Being in Life Sciences Club boosted up my confidence as I managed to step out of my comfort zone and to interact with the locals.

Also, in January 2009, I was appointed as the Deputy President of Overseas Malaysian Students Club of New York-New Jersey. The objective of the club is to strengthen the bond of Malaysian students studying in New York and New Jersey areas, also all over the United States. On top of that, the club is established to expose its members to real life issues and to equip them with knowledge and experience of the real world. I learned exceptionally a lot by being a member and also the Deputy President. We organized a lot of different activities, from discussions about critical issues in my home country, Malaysia, to motivational talks for high school students. Last summer, we organized a summer camp for 16-year-old high school students from a rural area in Johor, Malaysia. We shared our experience to excel in our studies, as well as our experience studying in the US. Although it was just a 3-day camp, our relationship with the students remains good until now, as they keep on sending us messages through e-mails and Facebook asking for tips and advice. I am grateful that I had the opportunity to share my experience with the students, and indirectly inspire them to do well at school.

Other than that, I also went to volunteer at a children’s activity center in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. The center gathers children around the ‘black’ area of the city, where drug abuse and prostitution are prevalent. It is a shelter for the children, particularly those at-risk, where it provide food and also offer educational, recreational and health programs. I spent 2-3 hours a day to play with the children and also joined them in classes provided. After spending some time volunteering at the center, I came across the idea to organize a program, taking the children sightseeing and dinner afterwards. It was a memorable experience for me as this was when I learned to deal with the corporate companies and other organizations to ask for sponsorships. The knowledge and experience I gained are really useful for the future.

I wish I chose to study medicine and became a doctor, so that I could cure sick people. The only thing that hindered me was dealing with blood; I was too small when I decided not to become a doctor. Nonetheless, I never regretted choosing Biotechnology as major. Although before coming to the US, I was sure that I want specialized in Plant Biotechnology, being that Malaysia is an agriculture country. However, I was finding it difficult to relate to the study of plants when I came to RIT. After attending research seminars and poster presentations, I was certain that Plant Biotechnology is not really my interest. In my first quarter of the sophomore year, I took Cell Biology with Dr.Wright and Dr.Newman, and that was when I realized that my real interest is in human diseases.

Later that year I approached Dr.Hara-Kaonga to join her research group. Her interest is in Cancer Biology and Infectious Disease. I could not have found a better mentor. Being in her research group has helped me to develop my interest further. I am now certain that I want to pursue my studies in Immunology and Infectious Disease. I may not be a doctor to cure sick people, but I can be another ‘doctor’ who find the cure for diseases.

Whatever I become in the future, be it a professor or a scientist in a Biotechnology company, I will always come back to doing volunteer work. It would be great if I could utilize my expertise in science to help those in need. I believe, in whatever ways, I can make a difference in someone’s life.

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Alhamdulillah, I am so grateful. My dear friend Athirah told me the other day, 'Buatlah everything dengan ikhlas, walaupun ko penat ke ape ke. Kalau takde orang yang nk balas kebaikan kau, kau doa mintak kat Allah yang kebaikan yang ko buat tu, Allah balas dengan kebaikan lain. Macam kalau kau susah nak jawab exam, kau doa mintak Allah mudahkan sebab kebaikan-kebaikan yang kau dah buat'.

Athirah, He listened, and I got my reward today. =)))

p/s: This adds to my graduation rewards, after winning GU Unification on Saturday. =))))

not so random

somehow i become my old self again.

and i hate that.

i hate that i have choices.

i prefer to just have one choice and stick to it.

i need your guidance.

and i hate myself for saying this, because i know i have to change but i don't know where to start.

p/s: happy entry tomorrow. promise! been on the dark side since forever.

p/p/s: happy week 9 everyone! urghhhh kerja sekilo.

my conversation with mama tonight..

....sekilo bercerita pasal principles and bla3...

dila: ye mama

i'll change that

byk lagi adik kene berubah ni

mama: lagi 1 kena berubah

jgn suka shopping

*insert audible yang mac xkan boleh dgr here*

dila: hahaha

ye la ma

i'll add that to the list

.......conversation bersambung dengan mama bercakap why i should stop shopping and list of things i shouldn't buy because i already have too many of them and bla bla bla........

mama,

of all others, SHOPPING lah paling susah nak berubah. OMG!

trust.trustee.trustworthy

All my life, I have never had a problem trusting people around me. I put my trust in someone so easily. As soon as I get comfortable talking to someone, I will start telling him/her unsolicited stories, little trivial happenings of my life and etc. What makes it even more easy is when that someone starts telling me his/her stories. I feel connected and start telling more and more. I know for a fact that it is probably not a brilliant thing to do; people can turn on my back anytime they want and the next thing i know, other people start talking about me behind my back.

It is a good thing, as well as a bad thing to do. I am lucky that I have never had that bad experience to happen so far. Even if people did talk behind my back, good thing I never knew about it. But I would like to think that my stories are safe with the people I trust.

But I have to be more selective next time. Yes, no bad experience so far, but I am starting to think that I trust too many people now. That is not a bad thing, right? No? I don't know. Sigh. I have a feeling that it will happen soon. The 'bad' thing, I mean.

To you the people I trust (you know who you are),

Be proud because you are the chosen ones. And I am proud to have friends like you. Although I said it is easy for me to put my trust in people, it is not THAT easy by the way. So you are the lucky ones. I love you with all my heart, and let me say this, you can trust me as much as I trust you. I will keep yours, and promise me you will keep mine. I treasure you the most in my life because I am all about sharing. I don't keep things to myself, I need someone to listen to me. Thank you for being a good listener, thank you for being there when I need someone, and thank you for keeping my stories.

a big loss

Within a month, I lost two important people of my life; important in two very different ways. my grandmother passed away on december 27th. Yesterday a friend told me that my research mentor, Prof. Bochiwe Hara-Kaonga, passed away on thursday (january 28th). When I first received the news, I was shocked. I couldn't believe what he said. but I cried anyway. Later that day, I received an e-mail from a professor who's been replacing her while she undergone her treatment, telling us, her research students the news.

"She had been improving steadily during her treatment and had been preparing to return to Rochester when she took a sudden turn for the worse. Her family was with her when she died."

"I know that she cared deeply for each and every one of you and that you were on her mind almost constantly during her struggle."

"She wanted to create an opportunity in her laboratory for you grow intellectually and personally as young scientists and scholars. Based on what I have seen in the few meetings we have had together, she was well on her way to success. "

When I woke this morning, the news was the first thing that came to my conscious mind. Truth is, I still couldn't believe that she's gone. It is so unreal.

She's very dear to all our hearts, because she always wants the best for her students. She pushed us to achieve things, sky is the limit. She wanted us to take all the opportunities out there and be successful extraordinary undergrads. The bond we created is like no other. She's like a mother to all of us. She doesn't want us to call her 'Prof.' or 'Dr.', instead she let us call her 'Bochiwe'. She treated us just like her own children. She loved giving us freebies =). Whenever she went to a conference/meeting, she'd take all the leftover freebies (pens, notebooks, sticky pads) and gave them to us. I think most of the 'free' pens I have in my pencil case right now are all given by her. I remembered the day she gave me a notebook from an Immunology conference in Buffalo, she said, "I know Dila loves taking notes and writing stuff out, so at the end of the conference I asked someone at the table if there are more notebooks because I really want to get one."

Most importantly, she believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. I never thought I could do things, but she believed me and made me do them. She was a bit reluctant to let me graduate in 3 years because she said there are lot of things she has in mind for me. She wanted me to do the Summer Undergraduate Research, be in Research Scholars program, present a poster and also get the chance to publish my work. She always wants the best for her students, never less.

I will never ever forgot what she'd taught me, everything she'd done for me. She has a special place in my heart, and I'll keep her there forever.

Bochiwe Hara-Kaonga, may you rest in peace.

something to share.

A Message by George Carlin (a legendary comedian):

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little and watch TV too much.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

earlier this morning..

dila: hai mama. adik bgn awal harini. register class for spring quarter. it's my last quarter mama! anak mama dah nak graduate.

mama: cepatnya 3 tahun. mama dah 55 tapi macam rasa baru 25 tahun.

dila: eh perasannya. tapi mama memang nampak macam 25 pun. =)

p/s: sori ma, terspill your age to the public. i guess u don't mind, because truth is, you look young for your age. love u ma!